Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
