well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
