Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
