I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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