Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
