Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
