Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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