i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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