dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
