He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
