Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
