come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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