Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
