If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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