the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
