I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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