I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
