Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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