i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
