The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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