in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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