Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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