He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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