he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
