What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
