absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
