This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
