Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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