i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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