Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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