when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
