I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
