you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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