I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You took a bar mat shot.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
