one two three fourrrrnication!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
