Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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