he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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