whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
