i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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