so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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