What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
