he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
