Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
