Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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