I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my sisters under your porch take her home
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
