is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
