he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
