So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
