i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
