I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
