I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
