I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
