If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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