You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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