i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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