we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
