I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
