I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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