i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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