@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
