I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
