big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
