that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
