either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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