The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
