College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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