I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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