i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I puked a lego.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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