There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
