mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
