I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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